So, let’s face it: breakups suck and are never easy. Even if the breakup was mutual, it’s hard to let go of someone who at one point, meant the world to us. It’s hard to accept that all of time, emotions, feelings, and love were not enough to keep the relationship alive and thriving.
However, if we are able to take a step back, put aside our anger, sadness, and maybe even resentment (though they are valid/normal emotions to have), and reflect on both the relationship and the breakup, itself, we are able to learn so many lessons. That is why reflecting is so important and plays a key role in healing in maturing. But, unfortunately, the last thing we want to do after a breakup is think of all the ways we screwed up or fell short in being a good partner. Since reflecting, after all, requires us to dig deep inside ourselves and in doing so, come face-to-face with our faults, flaws, and shortcomings.
But sulking is easier, so we remain angry instead. But at the same time, sometimes we have to break our own illusions and accept what is and let go of what could be, so that we can understand what we really want and who we really are. Because sometimes our wants and needs get put on the backburner for the sake of saving the relationship and keeping the other person happy and content. But, taking a step back and reflecting allows you to come out of this happy and knowing who you really are. Luckily that happened to me!
but, to be fair, it was not easy to get to this point of willingly reflecting and accepting, whatsoever.
“…sometimes we have to break our own illusions and accept what is and not what could be, so that we can understand what we really want and who we really are” | sincerely shirley
With that being said, my breakup with J was heartbreaking and sad. We both knew it was coming and we both knew it was for the best. But that didn’t make the breakup any less sad or make me any less miserable and upset. Maybe the breakups that we expect damage us the most? I dunno. But, what I do know is that I am able to positively and matter-of-factly say that he was one of my soulmates. He was my best friend. He was my lover. He was my go-to person. He was literally my person. He was mine. He was my first love. And, on top of all of that, he was my everything.
What others didn’t understand, he understood. What others didn’t like about me, he admired. What didn’t make sense with others made sense with him. We knew each other so well.
When we broke up, I lost a part of me that believed that every lover in your life will have a fairytale ending. I lost the part of me that believed that once you fall in love with somebody (and they fall in love with you), that it lasts forever and that nothing can break that. I lost the part of me that believed that somebody else’s love would make me love myself. I lost not only him, but I also lost all of what I assumed love was.
I’m not ashamed to admit that a part of my heart left with him. And I am also not ashamed to admit that I wholeheartedly accept that it’s his and no longer mine to have. But, I do want to say that although a part of my heart is with him and will be for life, he did teach me a lot. So much, in fact.
He taught me that I am loveable and that love is so beautiful and pure. He taught me what it feels like to be loved and to be loved back. He taught that with or without a man, I can and will accomplish all of what I have ever planned to accomplish. He taught me how to get back up when you fall and to do so gracefully. And in that, I found my strength.
Words cannot and will not ever be enough to express how grateful and blessed I am to have experienced all that I did with J. I will forever be grateful that J was who I got to experience all of this with and that I was able to learn so much about not only myself, but life in general, too.
So, with that, I am thankful we broke up. But, I am also thankful that I experienced what being in love with someone feels like. And while I did lose a soulmate, I gained knowledge and appreciation.
“nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” | pema chodron
- I learned that I am strong
- I learned that I am worthy of love, effort, honesty, and respect
- I learned that it’s ok not to be ok
- I learned that how somebody treats you is how they feel about you
- I learned that falling in love and being in love is beautiful, even though it’s terrifying
- I learned that if you love someone, tell them and tell them often
- I learned that if you find someone that feels like home, try your hardest to keep them in your life
- I learned that laughing with someone you consider your best friend is an awesome feeling
- I learned that that silence is a message in and of itself and to listen to it, even if I don’t want to
- I learned that if something feels off, it most likely is and to trust my gut
- I learned that absolutely nobody deserves to lay in bed questioning their worth and wondering why they aren’t good enough
- I learned that it’s easier to be angry than it is to be happy, but being happy yields the best results
- I learned that not everybody has the same heart as me, but not to let that stop me from being the thoughtful and compassionate girl that I am
- I learned that everything really does happen for a reason
- I learned that people do come into our lives for specific reasons
- I learned that the way a relationship is ended is very telling
- I learned that my generation really does suck at being in relationships and that they’re oftentimes ended because people hide behind their phones, resulting in the inability to form meaningful connections with people
- I learned that genuine honesty is powerful
- I learned that my feelings are valid and really do matter
- I learned that communication really is key
- I learned that my trauma is not a representation of who I am and that I’m strong and powerful
- I learned that the people in life who are of good character will never make me feel bad for things in the past
- I learned that you should only ever surround yourself with people who make an effort to be in your life
- I learned that compassion and understanding are a necessity, but are rare in most people these days
- I learned that forgiveness is a very, very powerful thing
- I learned that words do hurt
- I learned that just because a door gets closed doesn’t mean another door with better opportunities isn’t right in front of you
- I learned that you can tell a ton about a person’s character by how they treat you when you’re at a low point in life
- I learned that you learn a ton from each and every breakup and falling out that one experiences
- I learned that just because you accept that moving on is the only option left, it doesn’t mean that the person will not always be very special to you
- I learned that when you really love someone, a part of them will always stay with you, because love is powerful and special
- I learned that you should always leave people in better shape than when you found them
- I learned that cuddling + sharing a bed with someone you care so deeply for is the best feeling ever
- I learned that moving on from someone who you could so easily envision spending the rest of your life with is painful, but pivotal in maturing and growing up
- I learned that loving you was beautiful, but became excruciatingly painful when all we had left was arguments and bittersweet memories
- I learned that you weren’t my soulmate, only a lesson
- I learned that what is meant for me will never leave me — and you weren’t meant for me
- I learned that I am whole all by myself
- I learned that I would go through all of that again if it meant that I’d be able to find out more about myself
- I learned that I am better off without you, though I appreciate the time we spent together
- I learned that I do not regret the relationship one bit — it was what the both of us wanted at one point
- I learned that I am stronger and in a better place than I was with you
- I learned that I can and will survive anything that comes my way
- I learned that I hold no negative feelings towards you and it’s liberating to (finally) be at peace with all of this
- I learned that writing poems about breakups and heartbreak have become an interest of mine
- I learned that I will always be ok, no matter what
Lastly, always keep this in mind:
“people are sent into our lives to teach us things that we need to learn about ourselves.” | mandy hale
I hope you all enjoyed this post! Leave a comment below and like always, thanks for reading + love to you all.