So, long story short – I found a soulmate. I found someone I loved, could talk to about anything, felt safe and secure around, trusted wholeheartedly, respected and cared for deeply and dearly, and supported and wanted the best for. I found somebody that quite literally made my soul happy. Yes, that’s right – my soul.
How beautiful and amazing, right? I agree.
Meeting a soulmate is no joke. Meeting a soulmate feels like meeting up with somebody for the very first time only to feel like you have known them for years. The chemistry, as well as the connection the two of you share, is undeniable. And, perhaps, unexplainable at the time, too. I guess the best way for me to explain this “phenomenon” is that you will know it when it happens. In that when you meet a soulmate, you will know. You won’t wonder, ponder, or question. You won’t second-guess, feel confused, or baffled.
Trust me, when you cross paths with a soulmate, you will know, your heart will know, and most importantly – your soul will know.
At this point, you have probably caught on to the way that I say “a soulmate” instead of “the soulmate” or “your soulmate.” And that is because only this year have I come to accept the very notion that throughout our lives we will meet many soulmates. Those of whom are the people who enter into our lives and make an impact on it. Good or bad, they teach us something — they can teach us the importance of friendship or the value of honesty and respect. They show us what we do (and do not) want and/or deserve in a relationship, platonic or romantic. They can provide us with tools, such as experiences, that allow us to shape ourselves, values, beliefs, and desires.
Growing up, it was a common occurrence to hear the word “soulmate” being used interchangeably with that of “the one” — our forever person. We are also told of all of the ways to spot/find our soulmate. This, however, is detrimental, in that we end up so miserable, unhappy, and heartbroken when the wrong people and relationships leave us, because we have already convinced ourselves that our soulmate connection (which is way different than our legit person/lover) are one and the same.
Finding love versus finding a connection are not the same.
That said, it is very, very important that we fully understand the two (yes, two) purposes that soulmates serve —
- they are here to offer their support
- they are people we have strong emotional connections to, people that help us grow (to our best selves)
If you understand that, then it’ easier to accept this next part —
Soulmates are reflections of ourselves: what we love in our soulmates, we love in ourselves. What we cannot stand in our soulmates, we cannot yet see in ourselves. Soulmates have the divine purpose of waking us up, and a lot of romantic soulmates do just this: they are intense, fleeting, temporary love assignments that help you radically grow. They are not meant to be your forever loves, they are the people who compare you to your forever love.
And sometimes you won’t have that feeling of being swept off your feet or knowing that you have found someone who you love deeply. No, that will not always be the case. However, what will always be the case is the fact that each and every time you encounter a person who teaches something you something about yourself, change you, inspires you, etc., that you have met a soulmate.
I will be honest and admit that when I met Adam, I instantly knew that he was a soulmate of mine. Even talking on Hinge (which I totally recommend downloading + using if you’re wanting to online date, while avoiding all of the crap that online dating unfortunately entails; then try Hinge, because it is literally the classiest dating app ever) for the day that we did before we decided to text was amazing. Amazing in that we were literally sending each other paragraphs, because we were so interested in what we were talking about. And, not to mention, as we were talking, he was reading my blog and talking to me about the posts I had made up until that point. That, my friends, is when I started to realize that he was meant to be in my life.
There were no questions. No questions at all.
The connection was immediate. Not only was it immediate, but it was strong, mutual, and genuine. It was a connection that people brag about in love songs and novels. It really, really was. I am blessed, to say the least.
Truth is, we were (and still are, though it’s still fresh) best friends and I will always, always love him. I will continue to love him, because he not only understood me like no other and respected me, but he taught me a lot about myself. He impacted my life in many ways and I will always be grateful for that. And perhaps someday, Ad and I can come together and be the best friends to each other that we were throughout our relationship. Because when you meet people like Adam (or Christine, Alexis, + Shawn), be sure to keep them in your life. Please (you’ll thank me later).
However, the difference between the soulmate connection that Adam and I had (and still have) versus the forever love that I hope to experience someday is this —
“Your forever love is one of your soulmates, but what sets your forever love apart from them is that your forever love is the person who doesn’t hurt you. You know how people say that if you really love something, you should let it go, and if it comes back, it was always yours? Your forever love really shouldn’t do that in the first place. Your forever love shouldn’t doubt that they want to be with you, or make a game out of “are they or aren’t they” meant for you.
Your forever love shouldn’t hurt beyond a few growing pains here and there. Sure, you’ll argue, and yes, your forever love should inspire you to reach for your potential, but that’s just it: they should inspire you to be better, not break your heart to do it.
Your forever love should be the person that you vent to, not the person you have to vent about. They should be the person that makes you feel like you can 100% be yourself, not the person who makes you feel like you have to change yourself. They should be your best friend as much as they are your partner, someone you are comfortable enough around to spend every day around.
And more importantly than anything: you should be able to spend every day with them. You should want to spend every day with them. Your forever love is the person you will take every vacation with, spend every holiday with, celebrate every birthday with; they are the person who will help you to the bathroom when you are in the hospital. If you honestly can’t spend a lot of time with them before you are upset, agitated or need a break, you’re not with the right one.” | brianna wiest
I couldn’t have said it any better or more eloquently than Brianna did. And do not get me wrong – I love Adam. In fact, I always have and I always will. However, we have a soulmate connection. We have a beautiful connection that has allowed us to sit in a car for hours (and when I say hours, I literally mean that we have sat in the car for 10 hours one time, because we were so invested in all of what we were talking about that we forgot to even look at the time) and talk, spend days together, invest in a relationship where we both came from very different walks of life, make each other laugh uncontrollably, and really learn to accept and understand one another.
And on paper that sounds like a recipe for a beautiful, long-term relationship where the two of us could get married, start a family, and live happily ever after together. I get it. But, when it’s all said and done, the bigger picture is all that really matters. We were definately able to get through some things, but we were unwilling to see the obsctacles for what they were and whatnot. And because this is not a “bash my ex on my blog” session, I have no desire to go into the more personal and private matters of our relationship. But, because this post is about soulmates, connections, and love, I saw it neccesary to be honest about my relationship with Ad.
Honestly, the best way I can really sum up my feelings about him and our situation is through Macklemore’s song These Days —
If you don’t want to watch the music video (shame on you, just kidding 😜), then here are the lyrics:
Hope life is beautiful
You were the light for me to find my truth
I just wanna say, thank you
Told her I had to go
And I know it ain’t pretty
When our hearts get broke
Too young to feel this old
Watching us both turn cold
Oh, I know it ain’t pretty
When two hearts get broke
Yeah, I know it ain’t pretty
When two hearts get broke
We’ll sit down together
And laugh with each other
About these days, these days
All our troubles
We’ll lay to rest
And we’ll wish we could come back to these days, these days
Nothing to show for it now
And I know it ain’t pretty when the fire burns out
Calling me when I’m drunk, remind me of what I’ve done
And I know it ain’t pretty when you’re trying to move on, yeah
Is that not the perfect anthem for people who still have mad love and respect for their ex, all while wishing them well and admitting that the memories were good enough to reminsice on someday together? Love it.
Anyways, I promise to not make this a 20-minute post. But, there’s a lot I have to say (and offer) in this post, so I want to make sure I say it all. You know? With that being said, here is what I believe —
I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that we meet each and every person for a reason and that the answers are right in front of us. That is, if we are willing to look and accept whatever those answers may be.
I believe that each relationship started (and perhaps ended) for a reason or reasons and that those very reasons are the tools needed to better understand ourselves and go on doing better. I believe that each encounter we have or have experienced
In fact, when you meet a soulmate for the first time, it’s quite possible that you will think, “I don’t know how I want this person to be in my life, but what I do know is that I want them in my life, however that may be.” Not every connection we have has to blossom into a full-blown romantic relationship or a 15+ yearlong friendship. It can be as simple as having someone in your life that you relate to and can text from time-to-time.
Because, the truth is — everybody that has ever taught us something, showed us something, or made us feel a type of way is a soulmate.
That said, it’s important to know and understand that soulmates are not just lovers. Soulmates are the people that have impacted us in some way or another.
As I get older, mature, and experience more of the world and all of what life has to offer, I sit back and reflect on all of the people that have come into (and sometimes left) my life and changed me for the better. I think about all of the things that make up who I am and I compare my current self to the Shirley I was 2 months ago, 1 year ago, 3 years ago, and sometimes even 10 years ago. I think about all that has happened in my twenty years (yes, I know – I’m still a little baby 😉) and the experiences, events, and people who have helped shape me into the woman I am today.
And though some of the memories or the people leave me with a bittersweet feeling, I always (and I mean always) end up having gratitude towards them, because at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I have to be the one who loves myself, knows myself, and respects myself. That said, if I like the Shirley that I am (flaws and all), then, of course, I have to have a greater place in my heart for all of what has happened to make me who I am, so to speak.
It’s not easy, no. It is, however, pivotal to my maturation, as well as yours.
If you can think back to the people who rejected you, left you out, made fun of you, broke up with you, and even abandoned you and accept them for what it is and then silently thank them for making you a stronger, smarter, braver, and/or even independent person – you win. You win knowing that you are able to allow the hardships and the endings of relationships to not ruin or destroy you. You win knowing that you are able to let the things that happen to you, grow you and shape you.
And that, my friends, is how you know you have met a soulmate.
So, even if your soulmate doesn’t show up on a white Stallion with adorable blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes (ha, is it bad that I’m totally referring to Adam right now? Oh well 🤷🏾♀️ 💁🏾), that does not mean that you haven’t met yours. Becasue chances are, you have. Time really is a determining factor in almost all of what we do. So, give things time. Give people time. And most importantly, as I am learning more and more — give yourself time.
Thanks for reading, lovelies! I love you all so, so much and I want to thank you all for being so kind and supportive of me. I admit that I have been a bit down lately (which I talked about in my recent post about burnout), but I am back. And not only am I back, I am determined to be the best version of myself going forward. It’s a scary process and journey, but it’s 100% worth it.