I know I have spoken about my upbringing and dating life and the many ways they’ve shaped me before, but I want to specifically talk about what it’s like being a black girl who primarily hangs with white people. It may sound minor and unimportant, but frankly, it’s the opposite. In fact, the people who I have and continue to surround myself with have had a major impact on me.
In my post “you talk like a white girl” I went into detail about how the way that I talk, act, and dress were perceived as “white,” allowing me to become the target of bullying, heightened identity issues, and low self-esteem. All-in-all, people had no problem treating me poorly because I was different, as well as making comments such as —
In high school, I started being ostracized for who I am (and what I’m not), leaving me feeling lonely and unsure of who I am. And if you’ve ever been a highschooler, you know just how hard those four years are — trying to find out who you are all while trying to make good grades, please everybody, and fit in.
Simply put, self-esteem and confidence issues are not a rarity.
On top of that, I was constantly being told who I wasn’t. I wasn’t able to find out who I was and was not, no. Instead, I constantly had people belittling me and name-calling me simply becasue I didn’t meet or live up to their expectations of what a Black girl should look like, talk like, dress like, and act. So, high school was, in no way, fun for me. Honestly, I felt like Cady from Mean Girls — excluded and intentionally left out, made fun of, and simply just not good enough.
I felt that I was too white for the black people and too black ror the white people…
However, at the end of the day, one thing I noticed was that I was never being left out, shamed, or ridiculed by white people. I may have felt insecure, solely becssue I was lonely and insecure. But, I was always made to feel welcomed and appreciated. Honestly, I think this was when I really started being picky with who I befriended, ultimately befriending people outisde of my race. I didn’t (and still do not) feel weird about doing so either, because I was used to associating with different races.
…And not just because of my adoption either.
Since I was younger, I have always been around people of many races. Growing up, not only did I live in a very diverse neighborhood, bit I also attended a very diverse private grade school, allowing me to interact with kids of every color, religion, race, and socioeconomic status. As I grew up, however, you start to notice peoples’ differences and this is when I started having less and less friends.
Fast forward a handful of years and…
Before the beginning of my freshman year of college, I knew in my heart that I wanted to join a sorority. Heck, I even knew which one I ideally wanted to be in. I dreamt about going through recruitmenet, being picked by my dream sorority, and instantly meeting women that would forever support me and love me. In fact, I secretly had a Pinterest board dedicated to soritity quotes, images, and gift ideas. Seriously. In my heart, I knew that I wanted to rush.
However, as the summer before college started coming to and end and the school year quickly approaching, I noticed myself becoming more and more distant to the idea of Fall recruiment and rushing. I shrugged it off. But, deep down I knew that I was avoiding pursuing sorority recruitment becasue I knew that I would once again have what I like to refer to as “my own Scarlett Letter,” plastered on my body – telling anyone and everyone that I joined a mostly-white sorirty instead of a black sorority. In a way, I also felt that by rushing, I would be made fun of by other black girls on campus and get told that I only got chosen because the sorortiy lacked diversity (tokenism). I didn’t want to deal with another painful year (or years) of backlash, hostility, and loneliness. I no longer wanted the title of “that girl” or “the lost/confused black girl” or “the black girl that wants to be white.”
So, I decided to not even rush.
It wasn’t until recently, believe it or not, that I finally accepted that I am no less of a person just because my friend group consists of a lot of white people. In fact, fashion and lifestyle influencers + bloggers Tomi Obebe Belk (GoodTomiCha) and Chelsea Olivia (LoweCoPetite) shamelessly post pictures of their friend groups, which consist of more white people than black. Seeing these images allowed me to come to terms with the fact that who I am friends with mostly white girls and that that is totally ok! In fact, the more I blog, the more I come to accept who I am as a person. My blog, and everything that comes with it, has seriously taught me so much about myself. I am blessed!
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So, for those of you who want/need some clarification as to what it’s like being friends with mostly white people and why I have the friend group that I have, please know this —
- I am not racist for having a predominantly white friend group
- I am not trying to be white becasue I have a predominantly white friend group
- I am not insecure about myself or my race because I have a predominantly white friend group
- I am not a Token Black Girl because I have a predominantly white friend group | read more on tokenism here
- I am not purposefuly avoiding being friends with people of my race
- I am not an Oreo or County Brownie or whatever the heck else people want to label me
- I am not willing to be friends with people just to say I am friends with them 🤷🏾♀️ #sorrynotsorry
I do, however…
- love and resepct myself enough to not put myself in relationships of any sort that are unhealthy, toxic, and/or not beneficial to my life in any way | setting healthy boundaries is key
- have black friends and I am proud of that and I love them dearly
- choose to not care what anybody else thinks | this took time and effort, people!
And that, my friends, is what it’s like to be a black girl whose friend group is mostly white!
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Whatcha think? Do you have a similar experience you’d like to share with me or have any thoughts on what I have shared with you all? As always, I want to know in the comment section below!
Thanks for reading and love to you all!